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(To tourists running into the Black Hills) Get out of those woods and go home! Because there's no goddamn Blair Witch!.We saw something at the Coffin Rock today. We're cold, we're tired, and we're a little freaked out. (To a German tourist) Just give us till dawn and we're out of here.Look, I'm just really stressed out, OK!?!.(Upon being asked if Tristen will be OK) I don't know.(About his girlfriend Tristen's death) It was all an accident! I swear to Christ it was all an accident!!.(To a tour guide in the woods) Your balls will fall off in three days!.(About their destination) The ruins of Rustin Parr's house.Following the same path where her victim's blood was split, possibly using your own souls in the process. For two glorious days and nights we will be walking the same path that the Witch herself once walked. We've got a bond, man, like a connection. (About tourists in Burkittsville) And when people come to my town, they come up to me and hug me, like, they say 'It's real, man' and I'm like 'Yeah, I know it's real too, dude'.But since I was released, I have seen it, like, seventeen times. (About The Blair Witch Project) I couldn't see the movie when it first came out, because I was.

(To Stephen) But you can't understand, because you're so afraid! Just like those pathetic little children from the Blair Village.

(Repeated line) Earth, Air, Fire, Water!.

Well, can you tell the bitch at the cashier to do her fucking job!.

(To Peggy) Am I going to have a problem with you, too?.

(Upon being accosted by a redneck) Oh yeah? Suck this.

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